The Real Me

[Pioneer]

based on a evening I had two years ago.

—-

“What are you doing sitting all by yourself?”

A hot flush of panic and nerves flooded my body as two women invaded the outdoor booth I was hoarding. I had lost my friends a while ago, retiring the search and treating myself to another rum and coke. The perspiring glass in the palm of my hand helped steady my heartbeat as the women slid across the cushions until our thighs met. On my left sat a woman who appeared to be in her mid thirties. Her face was slightly wrinkled but tight, cheeks plump and crimson. A large septum piercing dangled above her smirking lips and a pair of thick but cocked eyebrows framed her face. Her head was shaved around the sides and the back, leaving a short and spiked mass on the top. She wore a plain black t-shirt with a heavy chain round her neck and something about the way she draped her arm across my shoulders sent a wave of cold sweat and anticipation down my spine.

The women on my right was younger but not by much. She appeared to be the complete opposite of the other. Her hair was curled, falling thick down her front to almost cover her chest. Her face was slathered in make up but she still looked beautiful. She was smiling bright, comforting me almost.

“Well, what are you doing here alone?”

I felt a pang of guilt for not answering the question sooner.

“Oh, sorry! I, uh, lost my friends a while ago and kind of gave up looking, I guess”.

“Pretty girl like you shouldn’t be alone. They can’t be good friends if they haven’t tried to find you, too”.

She’d plucked on a string I’d be paranoid about my entire life. My mind erupted with anxious thoughts of how they’d ditched me on purpose, how that had been the plan all along. I clutched at my glass a little tighter and my eyes fell to the hand now gently rubbing my thigh.

I wasn’t sure what was happening and I felt anonymous to the smoking area within the confinement of the booth. The hand disappeared as quickly as it had arrived, strangely leaving my thigh feeling cold. The blonde shot me another beautiful smile.

“Another drink?”

“Oh, I don’t want to bother you-“

“She’ll have a whiskey and coke”, the short haired woman stated. Her tone told me not to argue and I politely smiled in response. This seemed to relax her a little as we sat in silence for a moment or two.

“I’m Jay, by the way. That’s Rachel”.

I told her my name, blushing slightly as she shook my head and caressed it with her finger. The drinks arrived and I was feeling slightly more relaxed. Maybe my friends hadn’t wanted me there but I was having a better time now. We chatted innocently for a while, a hand gently touching my thigh, my neck and my hand every few seconds. The sensations were becoming more intense with every passing drink, the whiskey blurring my mind and churning my stomach.

“I feel sick”, I blurted, after five or so drinks.

“Oh no, do you want to leave?”

I could barely open my mouth, just nod my head and allow myself to be huddled out of the booth. I could feel Jays strong hand on my arm, supporting me and helping me walk. I felt a strange burst of gratitude towards her and Rachel as the blonde stroked my hair away from my face.

“This hair is such a pain, isn’t it?”

I grumbled out an attempt at a laugh but instead found myself vomiting harshly on the floor. I could barely tell what was happening anymore, the lights and sound blurring into one mess of overdrive. I felt my body be placed into a taxi before the two women were once again pressed up at my sides, one hand of my thigh and the other pulling my hair up tight. I didn’t register that they didn’t know my address as the car started moving.

“Look how pretty you look with that hair off your face”, Rachel gushed. Jay watched us quietly, her grip on my thigh getting seemingly heavier.

It felt as though hours passed by in seconds as found myself coming round slightly, laying on a bed, completely naked. I felt panicked but too dizzy and drunk to move. I felt Jay pull my body up slightly, resting it against her own. Rachel perched herself before us with a mirror. I squinted to see myself, body limp and awkwardly placed like a rag doll. Seeing Jay handle my body in the mirror somehow got me excited. Although I was confused and disgusted with myself, it was turning me on the more she shifted my body and grabbed at my hair.

“Looked what you’ve done,” she tutted. “You’ve got drink and sick all over your hair! This will never wash out, you know”.

“Wh-hmph”, I moaned, unable to even understand what Jay was saying. I was too distracted by her hands teasing my body.

“And why struggle so much for a hair style that doesn’t even suit you”.

She roughly pulled my body up until I was kneeling up in front of the mirror. My head flopped to my chest but Jay grabbed a handful of my hair and pulled it back. With the other hand she traced over my body, her nails leaving thick red tracks.

“Look at these broad shoulders, much too stocky for such a girly haircut. And those arms! A few weeks in the gym with me and they’ll be huge! You’ve got the perfect figure to bulk out. You’ll love it once we get started”.

“Wha-“

I was completely confused by this point. Desperate for her to keep touching me but terrified by her words. Rachel giggled as she passed over a pair of scissors. I tried to struggle away but Jay roughly tugged me to the bed, submerging me beneath her full weight. I felt the wind gush out of me and a wave of sick rise in the back of my throat. I flopped and groaned beneath her to little avail. She grabbed a handful of my hair and without warning, she plunged the blade against it.

The scissors struggled to cut through the thick clumps, each sharp chop and tickle of hair that fell against my body sent more tears down my face. Jay grabbed patches anywhere she could, chopping and tugging until all that was left was a messy mop of mutilated stumps. I felt devastated as I struggled to breath. Panic was burning at every nerve as Rachel moved the mirror in my eyesight.

“No!” I cried. I looked like a freak. My face appeared different, as though I didn’t recognize the stranger in front of me. My hair was destroyed and my body went slack under the realization.

“Don’t worry, we’re going to tidy this up”, Jay smirked, reaching over and grabbing the electric razor from the side. “You don’t have to pretend to be something you’re not now. You’re a butch, look at you! I’m just trying to look out for you. Maybe your friends wouldn’t have left you if you weren’t such a fake”.

Jay moves forward with the razor.

“Close your eyes. We’ve got a long night ahead of us.”