Sororal Devotion | Sororal Acting (MC, incest, personality)

[Ozhojabbe]

Sororal Devotion
By Ozhojabbe

Chapter 1

Mark shouldn't have said it. He should have come up with another lie, any other lie, but when you've been lying for long enough you sometimes get hung by your own words.

"Look, I'm telling you she's real. In fact, she's going to be joining us on our trip for spring break next month."

That shut Justin up. All Nate could say was "I guess we'll meet Britney at spring break then."

Justin quickly changed the subject, and the conversation continued. But privately Mark was panicking.

Mark's relationship with "Britney" had started a few months ago. It all began when Justin pointed out that he couldn't recall Mark ever having a girlfriend. This struck a nerve with Mark, so he invented "Britney" his long distance girlfriend that he had met online. Mark should have expected it, but rather than stopping Justin's probes, it intensified them. Over several weeks, Mark was forced to create fake texts and fake social media accounts for Britney.

For her profile picture, Mark knew he couldn't use a picture he found online, because it would be too easy to reverse image search and find the source of the image. So he used an old picture of his sister Lucy from when she had a bit part in some high school play. This had its own risks, but he figured between his sister looking completely different in a costume and makeup, and his sister being a serious-minded college student at MIT who had sworn off social media until she graduated, he would never have to worry about her exposing his deception. (It also helped that Justin and Nate had never gotten the chance to meet his sister before she went off to college.)

There had been a few close calls, but somehow Mark had managed to string everyone along with his fictitious girlfriend. He had even gotten his parents to believe the ruse, which definitely helped maintain the illusion. However, all the little cracks started to add up, and recently Justin had grown more and more suspicious about Britney.

Now Mark had backed himself into a corner. When Britney didn't show up on their senior trip, the jig would be up. Three months of lying would finally be exposed, and he was going to look completely pathetic. He didn't even want to think about the effect this would have on his reputation.

As these dark thoughts clouded his mind, and he tuned out of the conversation Justin and Nate were having, a suddden burst of inspiration hit Mark. He began to formulate a plan. It was incredibly risky, but the more he thought about it the more sure he was that it had a chance of working. He had to at least try, right?

* * *

The first order of business was going to be convincing Lucy to join him and his friends on their spring break trip. Normally that would be problematic. She was very serious about her studies, and wanted nothing more than to use spring break as an opportunity to get ahead on her readings and assignments. However, Mark had an ace up his sleeve.

He had been practicing hypnotism for quite some time now. Mostly, he used it for little things. Improve his parents mood, make a tough teacher a little more lenient, relax himself before a test, that sort of thing. He had never attempted anything as ambitious as he was about to try. Usually he had a lot more time than a month to condition and reinforce his subjects, but he figured this was a sink or swim scenario and he badly needed to swim.

The first session was done via Skype. He called up Lucy, and told her he had a psychology assignment ("It's just a guided meditation thing") he needed her help with. She reluctantly agreed, and after he emailed her a program and she had it installed he began.

"Alright Lucy, I want you to make sure you're comfortable. Make sure your earbuds are firmly in, and you're in a relaxed posture."

Lucy rolled her eyes, but adjusted the way she sat, and made sure her earbuds were in and working. As far as she was concerned she would much rather be studying, but she wasn't going to abandon her brother in his time of need.

"Alright, now click on the icon for the program. You'll begin to hear some static, and see a dot moving around your screen. Focus on that dot and let yourself relax."

He watched as Lucy clicked to start the program and her eyes began following the dot.

"Now as you watch the dot, you're going to feel your eyes getting very heavy... even now you can feel the weight increasing... heavier and heavier... it's becoming harder and harder to keep them open."

Mark watched as Lucy's blinks took longer and longer, and eventually stopped with her eyes shut tight.

"Now let the outside world disappear. There's nothing but me and my voice. Start taking deep breaths and focus on your breathing. That's it... breath in - feel your shoulders relax, and your muscles loosen. Now out... Now in - with every breath more and more tension gets released."

Mark watched as Lucy's shoulders slumped and she began to almost melt into her chair.

"Now Lucy, I'm going to begin counting down, and with every number I want you to feel more and more relaxed and sleepy.
"10... 9... 8... Feel your cares and concerns drift away to the back of your mind.
"7... 6... 5... Feel your mind fall deeper and deeper into relaxation.
"4... 3... 2... This feels good doesn't it? Just letting go of the world and your concerns, and just drifting... drifting...
"1... And sleep..."

At the last word, Lucy's body lost what little tension it had left.

"Lucy, can you hear me?"

Lucy took a while to respond, but finally as if through a haze she said, "Yes."

"Lucy, I'm going to ask you some questions and I want you to answer them honestly. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"What are you planning to do over spring break?"

"Stay home and study." Her voice was without inflection or emotion.

"That's wrong though isn't it?"

Lucy didn't respond.

Mark continued, "What your really want to do is go with your brother and his friends on their trip to Daytona Beach."

Lucy seemed to process this information, but remained silent.

"Now Lucy, I'm going to ask you again. What do you want to do over spring break?"

"I want to... go with my brother and his friend on their trip to Daytona Beach."

Mark was ecstatic. Lucy was an excellent hypnotic subject, and that made one major part of his plan much easier. "Lucy, I'm going to snap my fingers and when I do, I want you to open your eyes and return to reality. But when you do, I don't want you to remember anything that happened during this call. Instead, as far as you're concerned our conversation will have just started. Nod if you understand."

Lucy nodded, and Mark snapped his fingers. It was slow, but she eventually came down from the trance, and looked at her webcam.

"Hey Mark, what inspired this call?"

"Well, I've got some homework I need some help with."

Lucy looked at the corner of her screen, and her eyes went wide with surprise. "I'm sorry Mark, I don't know how it got so late. I'm afraid I don't think I'll be able to help you tonight."

* * *

Mark kept conditioning her over the next two weeks, trying to prepare her to be Britney. She got her dark hair bleached, got a manicure and began to buy clothes she wouldn't normally be caught dead in. Finally, when Mark was sure she was ready, he put the final part of his plan into action.

It was their 15th or 16th session, and Mark took things in a slightly different direction than before.

"Alright Lucy, I want you to imagine yourself in an elevator. Looking up you can see that the elevator says your current age, 21. Can you see all that, Lucy?"

"Yes."

"You're going to go to different floors soon. When you do, your age will correspond to floor the elevator is on. Now click the button for 16... How old are you Lucy?"

"I'm 16 years old."

"Have you ever been to college?"

"No, I'm just in high school."

"Ok, now click the button for 1. How old are you?"

"Gah gah, goo!"

"Lucy, you are able to communicate normally, though your age remains the same. How old are you?"

"I'm 1."

"Alright Lucy, we're going to go back up the elevator, but this time you're going to live another person's life. You're going to be another person. Your name will be Britney. You were born in Canada. You're an only child, and you only have a mom. Your dad left your mom before you were born. Now what is your name?"

"My name is... Britney."

"Alright Britney, press 2."

Mark went through year by year, providing her a rough outline of her new life. He would use future sessions to flesh out this new persona, but for now he was content with Britney remembering that she had bleached her hair as long as she could remember, loved showing off her body in skimpy clothes, and she wasn't very accademically inclined (unlike high school valedictorian Lucy.) He stopped her memories at 18, since Britney was meant to be his age.

After installing triggers to easily switch her between her Britney and Lucy personas, and telling her that for the next week she would spend 1 hour of each day as Britney, he finished up the session.

* * *

Over the next week, Mark recieved notifications on Instagram and Facebook from Britney. Where before most of her output was things like text posts, and inspirational quotes over pictures of clouds (things Mark could easilly fake when pretending Britney existed), now a lot more of her content consisted of selfies and the like.

He only had a week before spring break to fine tune her, so he made good use of the hour Lucy spent as Britney to chat with her and get to know her so that he could tweak her during their sessions later in the day. He also hypnotized his parents to see Britney as a seperate person from Lucy, and not worry about Lucy while Britney was around.

Finally, the day of reckoning was upon him.

Chapter 2

Mark, Justin and Nate were going to meet Britney at the airport, since she was flying in from Boston (on a connecting flight from Canada if Mark was to be believed.)

The boy's flight arrived first, and they were left waiting on a bench for Britney's arrival.

"Marky!" a voice cried out from nearby.

All three boys turned towards the voice's source. There, stood a girl working hard on a piece of gum, with bottle blonde hair, red nails, and perfect makeup. She was wearing short shorts and a tiny, low-cut crop top that showed off the fact that she wasn't wearing a bra.

Britney ran forward and embraced Mark, saying "I've missed you, like, soooo much!"

Mark's feelings were tumultuous. Deep down, he knew the hot girl hugging him was his sister, Lucy. But, he had spent so long crafting the person of Britney, even before he had decided to hypnotize Lucy; He had created a dream girl to make Justin and Nate stop asking so many questions, and maybe make them a little jealous and here she was in the flesh. On some level he couldn't help but love his creation. Mark wondered if this was what if felt like the first time Pygmalion embraced Galatea.

Mark finally managed to get out, "I've missed you too." He gave Justin an 'I told you so' look, and was happy to note that both Justin and Nate were speechless for a few moments taking Britney in.

"Uh, l-let's check into our hotel," Nate finally suggested.

* * *

The group wasted no time in going to the beach. Britney was drawing quite a few eyes in her bathing suit, and Mark loved the dirty looks he got when guys noticed him holding her hand. There was no doubt about it, Britney was a perfect 10.

"Marky, want to, like, rub some sun tan lotion on my back?" Britney said invitingly.

Mark was all too happy to oblige. Britney lay down on her front, and unhooked her bikini top so Mark could apply the lotion over her entire back. Mark felt himself getting hard as his hand touched her delicious skin, and he couldn't help but pause and wonder if this was okay. He was quick to rationalize those thoughts away. This was his girlfriend, Britney, and they were going to have an awesome time at the beach. Besides, he was really doing Lucy a favor if you thought about it. She would still be spending her spring break at MIT with her head in a book if not for him. Looking at the vacant eyes of Britney, it was obvious there was no risk she'd be caught anywhere near something as lame as a book.

"Oh Marky, I totally forgot! I did what you told me, and used my fake ID to buy us some vodka before my flight. They didn't even suspect I was only 18. We can all, like, do shots after we're finished up with the beach."

"Oh, cool. I'll be sure to tell Justin and Nate." Mark said. Having a 21 year old sister did come with some perks.

They spent the rest of the day enjoying themselves and when they retired back to their hotel rooms they broke out the vodka. Mark was the least experienced drinker in the group, and got sloshed pretty quick. It wasn't long before he was making out passionately with Britney.

"Get a room you two!" Justin shouted at the amorous pair.

Mark pulled his mouth away from Britney's honey lips, and had a moment of lucidity. Maybe he shouldn't be going any farther.

"Maybe we shhoul' go to hot tub!" Mark slurred out.

Britney seemed disappointed he didn't want to take things a base or two further, but once she was over the initial disappointment was all for it. Justin and Nate were game for anything that involved seeing Britney in a bathing suit one more time, though they said something a little more tactful.

The group made their way to the hot tubs, and Mark still unsteady on his feet slurred out, "Leshz dive!"

He ran up to the hot tub and dived in head first.

Epilogue

Mark woke up in a sterile room. His mom and dad were sleeping in chairs to his left, and his sister had bags under her eyes and was sitting in the chair to his right. When he opened his eyes and looked around, his sister woke his sleeping parents.

"Like, wake up! Marky is awake."

Now that Mark had time to take in his surroundings, he was a bit confused about why his sister had blonde hair and was dressed like a slut.

Mark's parents stirred from their slumber, and they were quick to call in the doctors. One of the doctor's did a variety of tests, while another one spoke with Mark.

"Mark, what's the last thing you remember?"

Mark tried to think, but it was like part of his brain was in cobwebs, "Uh, I don't know. I was at school, maybe?"

"What month do you think it is?"

"Uhh, January?"

"Hmm..." The doctor wrote some things down, and consulted with the other doctor.

"What's going on?" Mark asked.

"Oh, Marky it was, like, terrible!" Lucy said. (Mark didn't understand why she was talking like a valley girl. And where did "Marky" come from? She was normally too formal for nicknames.) "You hurt yourself diving into the pool! Justin called 911, and we rushed you straight to the hospital. I thought you were going, like, to die!"

Mark was still having a bit of trouble piecing things together.

The doctor spoke up, "You had a pretty serious concussion. You've been in a coma for the past 12 days. The actual date is March 29th. Given that you think it's January, it's very likely you've suffered some memory loss of at least the last few months."

"Will I ever remember all the stuff I've forgotten?" Mark asked, concerned.

"Unfortunately, the kind of retrograde amnesia you suffered tends to be permanent. You may remember bits and pieces of what you've forgotten, but it is very likely you may never remember everything."

"You still remember me, right Marky?" Lucy said, hugging him tightly.

Mark was touched by her concern, but thought his sister was overreacting. It looked like he had only lost a few months worth of memories, so he wasn't likely to forget someone he had known all his life. He finally managed to say, "Of course I remember you."

Lucy was so pleased to hear this that she kissed him right on the lips. Passionately. Mark found himself a little wierded out, but the kiss also triggered some memories.

Of course! He had hypnotized Lucy to be Britney. That's why she was acting so strange. He just needed the trigger word to change her back.

The trigger word.

With a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, Mark realized that he couldn't remember the trigger. His sister was going to be stuck as Britney. His parents were never going to realize Lucy was missing, because had made it so that they wouldn't worry about Lucy as long as Britney was around. Mark felt guilty.

Then Britney put her tongue in Mark's mouth, and began making out with him. Mark still felt a bit guilty, but those feelings of guilt were pushed to the back of his mind. It's not like his sister was suffering, and who knows? Maybe he'd remember the trigger one day.

END

[Ozhojabbe]

Sororal Acting
By Ozhojabbe

Mark jumped and nearly dropped the plate he was carrying when he felt someone pressing against his back.

"Marky, can you help me with something?" Britney asked, wrapping her arms around his waist.

Mark made sure nothing had fallen off his plate before responding. "Of course, Britney. What's on your mind?"

"Well, I decided to, like, try out for a play at the community theatre. I was hoping you'd help me go over the lines for the audition?"

Mark turned around, "Of course I'd-"

Mark stopped, his mouth open in surprise. Britney's bleach blonde hair had returned to its natural brunette, and she was wearing business casual clothing that covered up way more skin than usual for her. She almost looked like her old self. Mark looked closer and realized that the hair had slightly too much plastic sheen to be real - it was just a wig.

Britney beamed, "You like it? I decided to, like, dress up to help me get into character!"

Mark gulped, it was so weird for his sister to be "back" after all this time. "A-anyways, Lu-uh-Britney - why don't we get started with the line readings?"

"Okay, here's a copy of the script. My character's name is Lucy, and you're her boyfriend Liam." She held out the script to Mark.

Mark tried to make sure he heard right. "I'm sorry, what was your character's name?"

Britney smiled, "Lucy."

No way. Mark thought this was one hell of a coincidence.

Britney tapped her foot impatiently. "Anyways, that's not important. You have the first line, Marky."

Mark looked down at his script, and read from the first highlighted line. "H-hey, babe. Liam kisses Lucy."

Britney playfully hit him with her script. "No silly, you're supposed to, like, act out the stuff in italics. Like this." She leaned forward and kissed Mark.

Mark had had plenty of time to rationalize his relationship with Britney - she wasn't *really* Lucy, so there wasn't *really* anything wrong with all the things they had done the past few months. But he found it hard to return this kiss with any enthusiasm. It felt too much like kissing his sister...

Britney didn't seem to notice his reservations as she pressed on. "Not now, Liam. I've got a big test in my art facial intelligence class coming up, and I really need to study."

The mistake pulled Mark back into the moment. Of course this was still Britney. "Uh, it's artificial intelligence, not 'art facial intelligence.'"

Britney gave an embarrassed smile, "Oooh, that totally makes more sense. I'm glad I have a smart boyfriend like you, babe! Let me try that again," she took a deep breath. "I've got a big test in my artificial intelligence class coming up, and I really need to study."

They spent the next hour or so rehearsing the script. Mark was pretty relieved when they finished, but was horrified when Britney told him about her plan.

"So, I'm thinking about trying some method acting. I'm just having too much trouble feeling like this character, and I think it would be super helpful to act like her all the time to really start to feel like her."

Mark shook his head, "You *really* don't have to do that, Britney. Y-you did great tonight, a few more practices like this and I'm sure you'll be perfect."

Britney shook her head, "Marky, I love that you're being so supportive, but I really didn't get the right vibes tonight. If I'm going to get the part, I'm going to have to live like Lucy, think like Lucy, and *be* Lucy."

Mark knew it was no use arguing. He had created Britney, and he knew when she got an idea into her head it was hard to talk her down from it. He normally liked that little facet of her personality...

* * *

Dinner got off to a strange start. As soon as Mark's parents saw "Lucy" sit down, a look of confusion crossed both their faces.

"Lucy? Why aren't you up at school?" Mark's dad, Jeff, asked.

Britney took a deep breath, "Yes, I am Lucy, and, um, the reason I'm not in school is," she seemed to think about it for a second, "I am taking an artificial intelligence class at the local, uh, college."

"Why couldn't you just take it up at MIT?" Their mom, Linda, asked.

Britney paused before answering, "I-I wanted to live closer to my boyfriend Liam. He kind of, um, distracts me from my studies, but I still love him."

Their parents exchanged glances. Jeff spoke up, "Lucy, you're paying for your own schooling, so whatever you want to do is your own choice, but it sounds like this Liam might be a bit of a bad influence on you. Maybe we should have a family discussion about this?"

Mark interrupted, "Dad, can't the family discussion wait? It's been so long since we've seen Lucy, and I think it would be nice if we just ate dinner together, y'know?"

An uneasy silence followed. Linda finally broke it.

"Alright, why don't we enjoy dinner for now. We'll definitely be revisiting this though, young lady."

* * *

Back in Mark's room after dinner, Britney was ecstatic. "That was sooo cool, Marky! Your parents are so good at, like, acting! It's like they really thought I was Lucy. The way they improvised details was incredible."

Mark reply was half-hearted, "Yep."

"Oh, no. I just broke character," Britney took a few deep breaths. "I am Lucy... I'm super smart..." She walked over to her desk, and opened an artificial intelligence text book that was *conveniently* lying around the house. "Okay, Mark, uh, Liam. I'm going to study now, and I want you to go outside and come back. Try to convince me to stop studying to have some 'fun' with you." She winked at him and whispered, "If you do this right, I'll fuck you as Lucy. *That* should definitely be fun, right?"

Mark walked listlessly outside. How long was this charade going to last? He stood outside the door, and played on his phone waiting for a good time to enter. At least he'd get to sleep with Britney tonight - hopefully she would take the stupid wig off though.

Inside, Britney was surprised to find that a lot of what she was reading was sounding *very* familiar. Like she somehow knew it already. The longer she read, the longer an uncomfortable feeling of deja vu began to grow within her. Shouldn't this stuff be way over her head? Did she... study this at some point?

There was a knock at the door. Britney ignored it, and continued to read - she wanted to ride this sense of deja vu and see where it lead.

"Hey, Lucy. You got a minute?"

Something in her head clicked.

"Not now, Mark. I'm studying, and this stuff is... really interesting."

Mark noticed that she had forgotten to call him Liam, but didn't care enough to correct her. "All you do is study, don't you ever think about us?" He walked up to her and tried to kiss her - she pulled her head away and looked at him like he was insane.

"What the fuck, Mark!?"

Mark took the book from her and slammed it shut. He had to admit, Britney playing hard to get was actually kind of fun. "You need to learn to relax Lucy - all work and no play makes Jane a dull girl." And this time he didn't give her a chance to react, he pulled her toward him in a passionate kiss.

Lucy didn't know why, but this felt so... familiar. Instead of feeling disgust, she felt her knees melt and a burning desire begin to build in her. "Mark, we-" she gasped when his hands moved to her breasts, "we shouldn't."

"Lucy, you've spent all your life studying up until this point," Mark was actually really getting into character - maybe this wasn't so dumb after all - "and one day of saying yes to me won't get rid of that." He moved his hands down to her pants.

Lucy was intensely aware of every feeling as his hand moved down her stomach. She saw the tent in her brother's pants, and she realized that her breathing was now coming in small gasps, "Mark. we. can't. I'm. You're-"

When Mark's finger entered her, any objection left her mind.

Mark smiled, "Wow, you're really wet."

Lucy felt her cheeks flush, and looked at her brother in a way she never had before. "Fuck me, Mark. I need you inside me."

Mark didn't need to be told twice. Soon both of them were tearing at each others clothes, and making their way towards the bed. Lucy gasped when Mark's cock entered her. When he started thrusting her brain melted.

Words were giving way to moans of pleasure, but she had enough presence of mind to say, "DON'T STOP!"

Mark looked down at Britney - no, Lucy. Suddenly, it didn't seem to important to him which she was. All that mattered right now was her breath, her sweat and the tight feeling that came with each thrust. The pleasure on her face just pushed him closer and closer to the edge.

Lucy began to feel a pressure building. Her actions were almost unconcious at this point - instictive. Her reaction to every stimulus an almost animalistic effort to maximize her and Mark's pleasure. The pressure continued to build, until-

"Oh my god! This is-"

Lucy felt her first orgasm, and wave after wave of pleasure rocked her to her core. Her whole body quaked, and soon it was Mark's turn. Lucy felt as Mark began to fill her up with his cum. Again and again. When he finished, she felt full. Satisfied. Complete.

As they panted and enjoyed the afterglow, Mark looked over to her. "Fuck, I love your pussy, Britney!"

Lucy felt confused. Who was Britney? Why was Mark talking like this wasn't the first time they'd done this? Lucy realized it couldn't have been the first time - she was struck by a strange sense of deja vu. It wasn't the first time... They had done this many times before.

That only made sense, though. Mark was her boyfriend after all.

"I know you do, Marky! Are you, like, ready for round two?" She started crawling on top of him.

Mark felt himself rising to the occasion. He could have sworn that he saw a change in Britney's eyes just now, but that thought was quickly forgotten.

END

[DrZaaijer]

Too many details and coincidences that doesn't flow natural but are only plot points.
Why was Mark's parents hypnotized in the first place when Lucy was meeting Mark in FL.
Why didn't Lucy want to go home to Canada, and where did she stay when they were home.
How come all of a sudden his parents recognized Lucy just because she was wearing a wig.
Where was the other people who knew Lucy back at home.
A play where the character happened to be named Lucy and had brown hair.
Mark didn't remember the trigger, but didn't think to just hypnotize her from scratch?
to name a few.

and of course the epilogue is part 3, not an epilogue.

[Ozhojabbe]

Thank you for the feedback, itsme! Critiques like yours will definitely help me improve my writing in the future. To try to answer some of them:

and of course the epilogue is part 3, not an epilogue.

This one, at least, I have an answer for: these are actually two stories. Sororal Acting is the sequel to Sororal Devotion, so the epilogue is meant to be an epilogue.

Why was Mark's parents hypnotized in the first place when Lucy was meeting Mark in FL.

Mark's parents are hypnotized because they're not going to hear from their daughter (or be able to reach her) for the entire week of spring break, and Mark doesn't want them to worry. Since he might have plans to bring Britney back from time to time, this is also insurance so he doesn't have to worry about logistics every time he does so.

Why didn't Lucy want to go home to Canada, and where did she stay when they were home.

I'll admit that the sequel was something I wrote quickly, after someone suggested the idea of Britney roleplaying as Lucy, and I felt like it would be fun to tackle. I might go back and edit it to add missing details like this, but for now the answer is that Mark probably persuaded her to stay, and her fabricated mom had no objections. She presumably stayed in a guest room, or her old room.

How come all of a sudden his parents recognized Lucy just because she was wearing a wig.

Because she looks somewhat like Lucy again (it's not just the wig, she's also wearing the kind of outfit that Lucy would wear), which means their hypnotic trigger to not worry about Lucy when Britney is around isn't taking effect.

Where was the other people who knew Lucy back at home.

Lucy was away studying at MIT, so it's probably been years since anyone around her parent's place has seen her. Britney is basically Clark Kent-ing, since her personality is radically different now and her makeup is done way differently. People who knew Lucy are probably more likely to think "Mark's girlfriend looks a bit like Lucy" and not, "Lucy and Britney are the same person."

Mark didn't remember the trigger, but didn't think to just hypnotize her from scratch?

This is fictional hypnosis - Mark embedded the Britney personality fairly deep in Lucy's psyche, so de-hypnotizing her isn't something you can just do on a whim.

[DrZaaijer]

This is not writing.com so I don't expect anyone to become a better writer Besides what do I know. I'm a computer/math person. But when I write I try to work on motivation and make sure things are as normal as possible when weird things happen. Weird things happening when everything else is weird isn't a good story. You want weird things to happen in ordinary places. You are asking a reader to suspend disbelief, but if stuff just happens then why bother.

Thank you for the feedback, itsme! Critiques like yours will definitely help me improve my writing in the future. To try to answer some of them:

itsme wrote:
and of course the epilogue is part 3, not an epilogue.


This one, at least, I have an answer for: these are actually two stories. Sororal Acting is the sequel to Sororal Devotion, so the epilogue is meant to be an epilogue.

Epilogues are short and they take place usually a while after the events. They come after a logical ending. It's a bit picquiun, but the ending of the story was the ending of what you called the epilogue. Thus it's part 3. If you wanted an epilogue that would happen after your final scene. What happens later...if you care to write it.

itsme wrote:
Why was Mark's parents hypnotized in the first place when Lucy was meeting Mark in FL.

Mark's parents are hypnotized because they're not going to hear from their daughter (or be able to reach her) for the entire week of spring break, and Mark doesn't want them to worry. Since he might have plans to bring Britney back from time to time, this is also insurance so he doesn't have to worry about logistics every time he does so.

Once again, a normal person would hypnotize their parents to to worry that Lucy didn't call. That makes sense. The only reason to do it the other way is a plot point. You should have had a better reason to hypnotize them the way you did. It would be much easier and more natural to simply hypnotize them to think Lucy was taking a special assignment and wouldn't contact until later. Thus Mark wouldn't have to hypnotize them back after.

itsme wrote:
Why didn't Lucy want to go home to Canada, and where did she stay when they were home.

I'll admit that the sequel was something I wrote quickly, after someone suggested the idea of Britney roleplaying as Lucy, and I felt like it would be fun to tackle. I might go back and edit it to add missing details like this, but for now the answer is that Mark probably persuaded her to stay, and her fabricated mom had no objections. She presumably stayed in a guest room, or her old room.

If he wanted her to stay then she still has to make arrangements. i.e. she should think she has classes in Canada, a family etc. You say Mark was down for 2 weeks. Why didn't she want to call anyone back home before Mark would prevent her. I know if I was away, and I had to spend an extra week, I would call my family to say what was happening. The fact that she didn't know should raise questions which might be more interesting to explore.

itsme wrote:
How come all of a sudden his parents recognized Lucy just because she was wearing a wig.

Because she looks somewhat like Lucy again (it's not just the wig, she's also wearing the kind of outfit that Lucy would wear), which means their hypnotic trigger to not worry about Lucy when Britney is around isn't taking effect.

Once again, plot point, either they recognize her or they don't. Did you really have Mark hypnotize them to think, hey the girl that looks like your daughter, if she wears a wig it isn't her. And don't mind if this girl you have never known can come to live with us. Even though I have never had a girlfriend in my life.


itsme wrote:
Where was the other people who knew Lucy back at home.

Lucy was away studying at MIT, so it's probably been years since anyone around her parent's place has seen her. Britney is basically Clark Kent-ing, since her personality is radically different now and her makeup is done way differently. People who knew Lucy are probably more likely to think "Mark's girlfriend looks a bit like Lucy" and not, "Lucy and Britney are the same person."

What about her roommate, the friends she had, the school when they realize she stopped attending classes? Her parents who would notice this girl was gone for months. You said before you were worried about Lucy being away for a week at spring break, but a month and no one knows where she is and no one looks for her?

itsme wrote:
Mark didn't remember the trigger, but didn't think to just hypnotize her from scratch?

This is fictional hypnosis - Mark embedded the Britney personality fairly deep in Lucy's psyche, so de-hypnotizing her isn't something you can just do on a whim.

It is certainly easier to remove an embedded personality than a real one. He didn't even try. The only think important that Mark forgot was the trigger word, how convenient. The point of the story is you wanted them to have sex and to do it, you have so many things that have to work perfectly for it to happen. I don't know how I would write this story (if I wanted to) But too many plot points for it to be believable in its own world

As I said before, the extraordinary can only happen when everything this else is very ordinary or there is no suspension of disbelief. All there is is coincidental plot point after plot point to carry the story on.

I'll give you the hypnosis of Lucy and a reason why Mark can't return her to normal. Every body else has to act as ordinary as possible for the story to work. If Clark Kent is superman then if someone hits clark kent in a fight he had better fall down hurt. or people will suspect.

Ozhojabbe
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[Twickster]

I'm loving this installment. A few thoughts:

1) I don't mind the leaps and jumps in coincidences. To me, the story is basically being told through Mark's perspective, and he doesn't strike me as thinking things through, so it almost seems "natural" that the story is told this way. Also, there's a story adage that sometimes nothing is better than the reader's own imagination, so in that sense peppering in gaps actually works in a story sometimes.

2) I'm liking the central conceit in Brittney pretending to be Lucy. I do hope that the ending doesn't mean that Lucy' back completely though, as I think the story's hotter when the mind control is continuing, and I've grown attached to Brittney's bimboish ways. I.e. in my headcannon, "Lucy" is back only as much as Brittney is attempting to roleplay her for the community play which will end soon. In any case, Lucy *cant* come back permanently, or else their parents would realize that "Lucy" isn't being herself and thinks Mark is her boyfriend.

3) One way that could resolve Brittney staying over for months is that somehow Mark convinced her to stay with him in the US (and retroactively change the story so she was never that close to her "mother" back in Canada, i.e. she ran away to stay with her "boyfriend"). One could also say that part of the parents original hypnosis is that they don't question Brittney in general, including having her stay in their house.

4) If Brittney has been staying over with Mark for months, that means she would have to have things to do. The natural possibility is to have her enrolled in Mark's school as a new student, courtesy of Mark's parents. This could also present new story opportunities, with Brittney being part of the "popular" clique, becoming a cheerleader, etc., all things that Lucy always avoided. One possibility to continue the story is as a popular "hot girl", Brittney would have the attentions of the jocks in school, and Mark would have to find ways to keep her interested in him.

5) Also, despite what I said in point 1, I'm burning to know what happened in between the first and second stories (i.e. how did Mark convince himself to start sleeping with Brittney given his reluctance in the first story. Given her forceful personality, this was likely that she seduced him to go through with it somehow).

Just my two cents.

[Twickster]

Another option that occurred to me: We have established that Mark isn't the sharpest tool in the shed (that distinction probably went to his sister), and that he's pumping Brittney full of cum regularly. How long would it be to have pregnancy in the equation? That could be another transformation worth exploring.

[Junketh71]

This was a curious story. Thanks for sharing!