Twenty Years Younger (AR)

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Twenty Years Younger (AR)

Postby blurmy » Sat Apr 28, 2018 5:38 am

You can read my latest commission here: http://blurmytales.blogspot.co.uk/2018/04/commission-twenty-years-younger.html
Myself and Tcheser tell the tale of a CEO whose quest to regain her youth goes a little askew.
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Re: Twenty Years Younger (AR)

Postby reactant » Sun Apr 29, 2018 2:50 am

Thanks for sharing, quite a twist
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Re: Twenty Years Younger (AR)

Postby Vended » Sun Apr 29, 2018 8:32 am

Yeah, thanks for sharing! Not enough AR stories around here.

Now, it was a fine read. One criticism I would make is to avoid needed the cjaracter make retarded decision to push the plot forward. Or at least not more than once. It end up feeing a bit lazy, when there's so many ways to be creative about it. Just my two cents, though.
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Re: Twenty Years Younger (AR)

Postby blurmy » Sun Apr 29, 2018 10:33 am

Thank you both reactant and vended.

I'm not normally an AR fan but this was a commission by tcheser who later added more to it.
Not being a regular reader of AR stories to draw on I'm interested in how you would have moved the story on instead?
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Re: Twenty Years Younger (AR)

Postby bit » Sun Apr 29, 2018 1:02 pm

.
Last edited by bit on Tue Aug 11, 2020 9:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Twenty Years Younger (AR)

Postby blurmy » Sun Apr 29, 2018 2:37 pm

Excellent points bit.

As I pointed out to tcheser there were a lot of places where I felt the story would have benefited from being a little more in depth, something that was evident when tcheser added another 1,000 or so words to my draft.

What I try to do when writing a commission is tell a complete story while including everything the commissioner has asked for, sometimes it's just not possible to fit everything into a 3,000 word limit as I think is evident here.

When it comes to plot points well those are normally out of my hands. I'll often get an outline such as I want this to happen to this person and this, this and this to happen along the way. Its then my job to make an enjoyable read for my commissioner and hopefully to anyone else who takes a look.

I love getting constructive criticism as I can only get better from hearing it.
Thanks for reading and I hope you'll continue to check out my coming work.
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Re: Twenty Years Younger (AR)

Postby Mars » Mon Apr 30, 2018 2:18 am

Nice tale, cool to see what two experienced authors create in collaboration
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Re: Twenty Years Younger (AR)

Postby blurmy » Mon Apr 30, 2018 5:31 am

Thanks Mars
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Re: Twenty Years Younger (AR)

Postby Matt L. » Wed May 02, 2018 11:37 pm

This was a very enjoyable story, role reversal is fun.
Outstanding!

Cheers, Matt
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Re: Twenty Years Younger (AR)

Postby blurmy » Thu May 03, 2018 3:06 pm

Thank you Matt
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